i am a self centered person and yet i try to be everything to everyone. i am forever grateful for the people that i have in my life. the people who i am close with i will do anything for. i want to be known as a genuine person. its so easy to run away from home. then get put into my place when i come back. i have to start enjoying some things. let some people in for once. i am losing touch. i am becoming hateful. that is not who i want to be.

i buried a friend over the weekend whom i was very close to. his mother practically raised me. someone who i had lost touch with. his mother broke my heart. i know for a fact i broke hers. terrible things happen to good people.

went and set up everything up for my chest piece.

stoked on it.

as of right now first day under the gun will be jan. 7

waiting list.

Given Flight By Demon's Wings

this is not my true nature.
i was not born as what i have come to be.

to be gentle again...

an angel's heart given flight by demon's wings faces certain death.

do not let this exterior deceive you.
i can easily crush your spirit.
my wounds bleed truth,
their voices are caustic,
and with the words...
a nasty sting from aim and precision of fact.

"how can you be so cruel?"

it is not who i am,
as it is the hate i feel.

i am a demon,
a vicious fiend.
let me alone.
i am a demon with a penchant
for other's misery.
i am a demon,
a vicious fiend.
let me alone
in peace
to be the beast of a man
the world has made me.

i am prepared to fight humanity every day
for the rest of my life,
albeit, my mind and body
yearn for tranquility.

people that should earn my love
consistently warrant my hate.
i truly resent this.

breathe easy, friend.
let not bitter fruit sour your breath.
you were once a gentleman.

when friends fail,
and mother is gone;
when god is silent,
and mates fall out of love...

i still wake to confrontation,
alone, and unflinching.

i am not simply strong,
i may very well be the strongest man
that ever lived.

i have forgetten how to express myself in words because of the fear of it coming off the wrong way.

for better or for worse. i turned twenty-one today. there were no gallons upon gallons of alcohol as the stereotypical fantasies of twenty first birthdays. im just older.

im tired of the food here at vincennes already. now its like, 'well i have to eat i guess.'

the show saturday was a lot of fun. made me miss the shit out of rose. we're coming back.

take care.

download google earth. its nuts. you can like see cars in peoples driveways and stuff.

i went and moved to vincennes. i go to college there now. i learn stuff.

i like it. its fun.

and my life slowly. but surely. falls apart.

i knew it was your birthday yesterday. i just don't like making big deals out of things. it's my way of showing you i'm still pissed.